


Lean On Me

by torigates



Category: Chuck (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-04
Updated: 2013-11-04
Packaged: 2017-12-31 11:58:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1031475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/torigates/pseuds/torigates
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sarah defied anyone who knew Chuck, who spent time with Chuck, not to get emotionally attached.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lean On Me

  
She couldn’t say that she wasn’t expecting this. The thing is, Sarah wasn’t sure why she always got so emotionally involved. It wasn’t what her father taught her.

It didn’t start with Chuck. The same thing happened with Bryce, but Bryce was different. With Bryce, Sarah could still get her job done. And yes, Sarah knew that her relationship with Chuck could be an asset, but she was kidding herself if she believed it wasn’t also a liability. Emotional connections were always a liability. If her father had taught her anything it was that.

Sarah defied anyone who knew Chuck, who spent time with Chuck, not to get emotionally attached. Even Casey, who liked to pretend that he didn’t have feelings, felt something for Chuck. They all felt something for Chuck. It was the varying degrees of ‘something’ that got Sarah in trouble.

She couldn’t pretend that she wasn’t glad to be back working as Chuck’s handler. Orders or no orders, duty or no duty, here with Chuck was where Sarah needed to be. This was where she belonged.

A knock on the door interrupted her train of thought. Sarah looked down at her hands to see she was holding a pair of socks. She hadn’t gotten very far with her unpacking.

She opened the door to an agitated Chuck. “Sarah, please, I am freaking out, okay!” He walked through her door without waiting for her reply. “I don’t know who else to talk to, but I also don’t want to get you into any more trouble.”

After everything that has happened the last few days, she should know better. Know better than to get involved. Know better than to allow herself to care. But knowing better doesn’t stop her from getting involved. Or from caring. “It’s okay. This is my private residence, there is no surveillance, you can talk to me.”

Chuck couldn’t keep still. “I don’t know what to do. Ever since you guys rolled into town my life has been, has been spinning out of control, my whole world is about juggling lies. It’s like, it’s like this. I bet this is a sub-machine gun?”

Sarah smiled. Sometimes she forgot how much Chuck _wasn’t_ a part of her world. “No, it dries my hair.”

Still, Chuck took it in stride. Bryce might have thought that Chuck wasn’t cut out for the spy world, but Sarah thought he was wrong. The way Chuck took everything in and carried on with a smile on his face, Sarah thought Bryce did Chuck a disservice when interfered in Chuck’s recruitment.

“Okay, fine, but everything else is completely screwed up.” He sat down on the bed. “I just want to tell Ellie the truth. About who I am and what I do. I can’t believe how much the United States Government has hurt the people that I love.”

Sarah stared at Chuck’s bowed head. “Well maybe it’s time for the United States Government to help you.”

He looked up at her when she presented him an envelope. She sat down next to him, studied him as he examined its continents.

He looked at her again, then back at the paper. “Sarah,” he started hesitantly, “What is this?”

“When they fired me, I knew I couldn’t just leave you not knowing anything about your father, so I ran his name through the government database,” she paused. “This is what came up.”

“Sarah,” his voice trailed off. “I don’t know what to say. Aren’t you going to get in a lot of trouble for doing this?”

She shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. It’s done. Besides,” she smiled at him. “You and Ellie deserve to know the truth.”

He looked down at the paper in his hands. Sarah studied him; the brown mop of hair spiralling out from the top of his head, the line of his jaw, the curve of his spine. Protocol or no, Sarah knew she would do anything for him.

He turned and looked at her. “Thank you, Sarah. Just—thank you.” He knocked their knees together. Sarah could feel his thigh pressing against her own.

“What’s wrong?” she asked after a moment.

He glanced at her, and then stared back down at his lap. “Nothing. This is great, Sarah. Wonderful.”

“But,” she prompted.

He sighed. “I haven’t seen or heard from my dad in years. He doesn’t want to be found.”

Sarah reached out and put her hand on his wrist. She felt the smooth skin there, his pulse beating below the surface, before taking hold of his hand. “Maybe that’s why you need to go see him,” she said.

“I,” Chuck started. “I don’t know if I can,” he whispered. “It’s been a long time.”

“Hey,” Sarah said squeezing his hand. “Yes you can. You fought off terrorists, and found one of the U.S. Governments most wanted men today. You can do this.”

He jerked his head, in what Sarah thought was supposed to be a nod. “You’re right,” he said. “You’re right,” he repeated after a moment. “I promised Ellie.”

Before Sarah could respond he stood up abruptly, breaking their linked hands. “Oh, god. Ellie. Sarah, Ellie thinks that something happened at the bachelor party between Awesome and Agent Forrest. They might not even be getting married anymore, and it’s all my fault.” He ran his fingers through his hair, making it stick out in all different directions. “Oh god, oh god, oh god,” he repeated and began pacing.

“Chuck,” Sarah said. He ignored her and kept pacing. “Chuck, listen to me,” she said standing up. “Everything is going to be okay.”

He turned to face her. “Everything is not going to be okay!” he exclaimed. “My sister thinks that her fiancé cheated on her and it’s my fault! Not only am I ruining my own life, but now I’m ruining Ellie’s life too! It’s my fault you almost got fired, who’s next?”

“Chuck,” Sarah said again, taking hold of his wrist. “It _will_ be okay. We’ll talk to Ellie and explain what happened. Everything will work out.”

“How can you say that, Sarah?” he asked. “We can’t explain what happened to Ellie, and even if we did it would just be another lie.” He flopped back down onto the edge of her bed.

“I know this is hard for you, Chuck,” Sarah said perching next to him.

“No,” he said. “I’m sorry, but you don’t. You signed up for this, Sarah. I didn’t. Your whole life isn’t a lie.” He pressed his palms over his face.

She wanted to touch him. Take his hand in hers and make everything be all right. Instead she gripped the edge of the bed. “I know you didn’t ask for this,” she said. “I know you don’t want it, but you’re doing good in the world, Chuck. You’re making a difference, and that’s important.”

He snorted. “It’s really hard to remember that when I can’t even keep my own life together. When I’ve practically broken up Awesome and Ellie. You don’t know what Ellie’s done for me, Sarah. I can’t let this happen.”

“You won’t,” Sarah said, this time following her instinct to take his hand, pulling his away from his face. “Tomorrow we’ll go find your dad, and then we’ll make things right for Ellie. I promise.”

He pressed their hands together. After a moment, Chuck groaned and buried his head in his hands. “It’s so hard, Sarah. Why does everything have to be so hard?”

She put her hand on his shoulder and felt him lean into her touch. “I should go,” he said after a moment and stood up. “I’m sorry I barged in on you, that’s what got us into this mess in the first place.” He laughed humourlessly.

She grabbed his wrist, causing him to turn back and face her. “You could stay,” she said.

“What?” he asked.

“You could stay here tonight, and we could go look for your dad tomorrow morning.”

He looked at her for a long time before speaking. “I want to, Sarah. You know how much I want to stay here with you.”

“But,” she prompted.

He smiled sadly. “But I don’t think I should. I mean, you almost got fired because of me! What would happen if they found out?” He looked down at the wrist she was holding. It was sporting his new watch, complete with tracking device. “I’m sorry,” he said.

Sarah stood up. “No,” she said. “Don’t be silly. You’re right.” Chuck looked so sad that Sarah couldn’t help but feel the same way. She wasn’t used to feeling another person’s emotions so intensely.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated.

Sarah reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him down into a hug. “Don’t worry,” she whispered. “We’ll make everything okay again.” She felt his arms around her waist and his head nodding against her neck.

He stepped back after a moment. “Thanks for listening,” he said.

She smiled. “Of course. That’s what I’m here for.” Chuck looked down. “And I don’t just mean as part of my job,” she finished.

He smiled, but it wasn’t the same smile she was used to. “We’ll make things right,” she promised.

He nodded and gripped her hand one more time. “Okay,” he said. Sarah wasn’t sure he believed her.

“I’ll come get you in the morning,” she said. “And we’ll find your dad.”

After he was gone, Sarah lay down on her bed, exhausted. They had almost lost Chuck. _She_ had almost lost him. If she hadn’t gone back, against orders, then he would probably be dead right now. Her feelings for him had saved his life, but that wouldn’t always be the case, Sarah knew that and still she couldn’t separate herself.

But for tonight? Tonight they were both alive, and tomorrow they would work on making things better.

For tonight she would tell herself that it was enough. 


End file.
